Startled myself awake this morning out of a terrible dream.

It was winter in CO, and my dad had come to visit me.  I had a doc appt in the morning and he said he'd take me, and to a real doc, not Planned Parenthood, and he was gong to pay because he loved me and wanted me to be well taken care of.  And I got there and got in my odd backless hospital gown and the doc (and my dad O_O) came in and started explaining how he would be taking out my eyes and replacing them with these awesome cybernetic implants that are far superior and only have a 3 month healing time and then I would be able to see all of the things.  And then started describing how I was going to also have foot surgery because it was unacceptable that they weren't symmetrical, and would I please just think if I had any questions before he got started.  And I freaked the fuck out.  I think I asked to go to the restroom or something and bolted.  Apparently this docs office was in an old abandoned CompUSA (which btw is a store my dad used to work at), so I bolted into the PetsMart next door and the security guy and a worker agreed to hide me in a big tower of dog food. But then my dad found me anyhow, and the security guy held him off until the worker could get me out back and into his big old yellow mustang and take off down the slushy roads.  We stopped at a convenience store and I was absolutely batshit terrified, and then felt something in the pocket (of my hospital gown... which seemed to have a skirt component) and realized my phone had been in my pocket the whole time. And Tim, who was apparently just a friend, not my boyfriend in this dream had left 5 messages about where the heck was I b/c it was game day (which it is in real life today) and I think that last startlement woke me up.  All fucking bugged out and in this surreal state of shock, where I was really glad that Tim was actually THERE. Though in my effort to reassure myself that this wasn't still dream woke him up, though he seems to have gone back to sleep pretty well.  I'm still vaguely wigged out though.  Because my dad is an amazing person, who i thoroughly trust and love. And having Tim and quite a few other players as supporting roles in this dream who clearly knew me but didn't care was just bizarre and creepy.  So blagh.  Glad I'm awake but still shaking off the cobwebs.

Nightmares

Feb. 9th, 2012 06:31 am
I had this horrid dream, well series of dreams, last night. And by last night I mean not too long ago. Because here I am. Up. at 6:19. Because I woke up at 5 after having nightmares and then I couldn't get back into proper sleep. Only drifting in and out of ever developing nightmares. Flashes of situations I regret. Flashes of confrontations and poor decisions yet to come. Memories of conventions that have not yet happened and the horrible interactions that happened. And then I got back from an awful trip and Waffe was gone. And it turned out to just be a symptom of my disappearance... or the worlds... My friends were slowly disappearing. And finally I realized that they weren't the one disappearing it was me... out of their life. Or perhaps out of the world.  When the last one that remembered me/could see me was Dave (I think because I lived there so my stuff was a constant reminder) I started to realize that the rest of the world was getting ghostly to me. I couldn't check out at the supermarket. When I tried to do self check people kept thinking something was wrong with the computers... And then I came home and Dave was getting rid of my stuff. 'Junk that had been there when he got there' he said to his friends who were cleaning out my stuff. Getting rid of my art.  And for some reason I stopped being able to interact with my house. With my belongings.  Other things I could touch... Other things I could manipulate. But not my life. It had been washed out from beneath my feet like it was made of sand. The rivers of life were taking it away from me.  And then I started to notice that there were clowns on the street corners... Clowns with heads like enormous balloon caricatures. And they could see me... And there started to be more of them. And somehow they seemed to be following me, even though I never saw them move.  So here I am. Up. Watching 'Vincent and the Doctor' because it is one of the saddest most relate-able Doctor Who episodes that I know of. Because I think all artists struggle with striving to be something and somehow knowing that no one is going to remember us anyway and we may as well whitewash our lifes work out.  Anyhow.  Gonna try and go back to sleep once this episode is over, because this is just silly.
Mmkay, we'll start with the weird dreams, because everyone seems to get a helluva kick out of them.

So went to bed last night thinking please, no more weird dreams, haven't gotten much real sleep recently because of them.  And I think as the edges of those pleas made it to the glitchy little synapsis of my brain, all it caught was please... weird dreams... because this one was bizarre.

Honestly, the weirdest part -as relates to MY life- was at the beginning.  The whole world was caught up in this crazy soccer game (no thats not the weird bit) the weird bit is that I decided I wanted to go with a group of my friends.  And while I will happily attend the games my brother plays, they are tiny.  Mob mentality doesn't kick in (any large group freaks me out of my happy little mind), and honestly, the only reason I'm there is because it is my brother, I have absolutely no desire to go see a bunch of people I don't know playing any sort of sport. *  Ehm, anyhow.  So the whole world is in various stadiums watching crazy sporty people. And so was I...

And on come the mind controlled zombie people.  Apparently it started with the guards outside, don't know how it got to them but suddenly everyone is freaking out and panicking (insert mobs, and my brain screaming at me that this is NOT where I want to be and this is WHY I avoid sporting events).  Somehow myself and a friend, who at this point is starting to look rather like the Chaos Thoery guy from Jurassic Park (I suck at actors), scale the back wall of the stadium, sneak out through a car show filled with sweet futuristic concept cars and suddenly I realize it was all my fault.

And my dream threw me into a flashback, where instead of mild mannered artist type the government had recruited me to work on this odd piece of technology, and they needed me because everyone knows my mind doesn't work the way anyone elses does (true story, ask any of my friends, or hell just read this dream sequence) and logic wasn't solving this particular problem so they needed me to fix it.  And I did.  I had no idea what it was for, it all seemed very abstract, and somehow tried to meld the concepts of slaves, zombies, and yarn, so I figured they were metaphors for something else.

and the flashback ended and I was swimming in very chlorine scented sewers to try and escape the mind controlled zombie people who were working for the government and realized they were about to hit the second phase.  Slowly yarn was knitting (well, crocheting - I know how to crochet and clearly my mind didn't want to try and make up how knitting would work) it's way around the pursuing swimmers. Until the second phase had finished and we were being pursued by gangly soaking crocheted zombie cats. Who were really bizarrely creepy. I had just come to the conclusion that oh crap, there are five more stages of horrors to come, when I woke up.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee


AND ONWARD TO NON-CRACKED OUT STUFF  - i.e. Cons, and my site....

Ehm... so as for Cons.
I leave in approximately 24 hours to go to Oklacon.
I AM NOT READY
I still need to find a 3" binder, as we have to set up and take down every day, and my print setup won't work for that, and 2" is NOT ENOUGH (that's what she said... sorry, had to)
I need to go buy food, since it is an outdoor con and I am lazy and don't drive places for food
I need to pack
I need to matt (mat? I never know how to spell that) a few pieces
I am vaguely sad, because I just got this STUNNING leather mask ( http://lauragarabedian.deviantart.com/favourites/#/d2zddar ;) and want to wear it but am afraid to take it to an outdoor con - errrrr..... so it is staying home and it is going to be a Halloween without dressing up for Laura :(
I need my brain to explode - oh wait that's already happened
I will survive!!! Erm, yeah.

Meanwhile, my sites galleries are down, for no apparent reason, so boo.  Especially as I just gave out a ton of business cards to random professionals this weekend.  Crapmonkies strike again. 

Erm, yeah, so.  Gone tomorrow, back Monday at some point.  Probably no internets in the middle.  And Wish me lots of luck and sales, 'cause I sure could use it!

Thanks guys!!! Hope you all have a happy Halloween!

*I will happily watch people riding horses that I don't know.  But honestly, a) I amnot watching the people 90% of the time, I am watching horses b) most horsey events aren't that crowded c) even the ones that are, are very rarely mobbish, there is not one side against the other crap going on....

May 2016

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